By Forrest Maynock
Part One: Panic Attacks
The year was 1978. Olivia said that her husband had just died of lung cancer the year before. Her whole world was turned upside down, and this was only the beginning of her long journey of pain and suffering. This death was so pivotal that it seemed to reshape the entire family from top to bottom. Olivia described this as the starting point of her own medical issues, and throughout our conversation she would return to this moment as pivotal.
Olivia: “It shook the whole family. We were devastated. My oldest son took it the worst; he just lost it…became very troublesome after that.”
Author: “So your husband’s death was the starting point?”
O: “…Yes, I think it was. After that is when everything started.”
Olivia had worked for AT&T since 1961, starting as a phone operator before moving to engineering assistant, then finally to engineering planner. Her life should have been at its peak in 1978, with four children and a stable job, but her husband’s death shook the foundations of her being. First, her oldest child started to rebel and got himself into legal trouble on several occasions. Then, her two middle children became “more apathetic and less helpful” with the youngest child and chores around the house.
Finally, she started to have trouble sleeping. First, only a few hours of tossing and turning at night, but within a month it had escalated to a fear of sleep itself. She had an “inescapable fear of something happening” that sent her into a panic every day at dusk. Some nights she could sleep at 3AM, but most nights she could not sleep until 5AM when the sun started to rise. Olivia thought often about death and dying as a form of escape. She described these thoughts as “not suicidal, but more like an invasion of my mind.” Olivia bottled up these feelings and tried to keep them as private as possible in order to maintain a “sense of control over [her] life.” Months passed and, with little sleep, a chaotic household, and declined performance, Olivia started to experience panic attacks.
O: “I had to cross this bridge every day to get to work, and many days I had to stop my car on the middle of that bridge and just start shaking and screaming like bloody murder.”
A: “Sounds terrifying…”
O: “Yes, and I would sit in the back of church close to the door so that I could quickly leave if I had an attack, and then I had to be dragged out of work. I broke down in the middle of an important client’s call and simply couldn’t carry on the call.”
A: “Dragged?”
O: “Yes, dragged, I couldn’t move, and I was screaming hysterically.”
A week after being dragged out of her office in the middle of work, Olivia was given a “forced retirement.” It was only after this event that Olivia sought medical attention. She went to her personal doctor, Dr. Baldwin, and was given vitamin shots and advice that has helped her cope: “He told me to cry, he said ‘you need to cry…you’re holding it in, don’t do that.’” This advice allowed Olivia to be more open with her previously bottled up emotions and helped to reduce the number and intensity of the panic attacks. Olivia was also given breathing exercises and guided imagery exercises to help deal with her emotions and fear of sleeping.
Guided imagery is a form of mind-body intervention that allows the patient to create a past or imaginary experience in their mind. Olivia went on to state that she was never diagnosed, but she felt that her symptoms were a form of depression.
A: “So you learned to cope?”
O: “[Relieved sigh] Yes, but I don’t think it ever really left, I just learned to sleep and to let my emotions flow freely…I think that it was all connected, at least in part, you see it never really left. I just learned how to deal with it.”
“And how my family life was going probably had a lot to do with the outcome.”
She feels that all of these pieces were connected and essentially culminated in her cancer. Olivia was not fully satisfied by how her case was handled and decided to seek further help from the doctor who had helped her with her panic attacks. Dr. Baldwin gave Olivia a series of heavy Vitamin C and B12 IV drips, heavy doses of potassium and magnesium, and gave her additional visualization and guided imagery techniques to work with. She was also told to start a biphasic sleeping pattern (sleeping more than once a day). Olivia was very positive when discussing these techniques. She claims that these techniques had the greatest “psychological” effects, and truly helped her cope with the gravity of her situation. With the guided imagery and visualization techniques Olivia would use religious symbology as anchors and images to focus on. Dr. Baldwin also suggested attending support groups, but Olivia rejected this advice. When asked why she had not immediately gone to Dr. Baldwin, she responded that she had initially contacted his office, but he was out of town for a few months, and was heavily booked for many months after his return. If given the option, she would have first visited Dr. Baldwin before having surgery and chemotherapy.
A: “Was there one thing that kept you going more than anything else? A focal point?”
O: “Well, my religion obviously, and I guess you could say a sort of vanity [laughs]…I would look in the mirror and see myself and think that I didn’t want to be that way forever…and of course, religiously, I don’t think I could have succeeded without God’s help…”
A: “And what role did your kids play in all this?”
O: “They were a bunch of brats! They only made me suffer more than I had to! [Olivia laughs uproariously].”
In the following year, Olivia decided that many changes needed to be made in her life. Following the conclusion of her cancer treatments, Olivia began to take action. In order to maintain her health Olivia has sacrificed eating the foods that she used to love so much. This does not mean that Olivia never eats her favorite foods, but she only occasionally eats foods that she used to love but now sees as unhealthy. She calls these times that she breaks away from her current diet cheat days. These cheat days were suggested by her doctor, Dr. Baldwin, who suggested that having a cheat day once or twice a month would give Olivia something to look forward to and would keep her mentally stable. Olivia made the choice of sacrificing the foods that she loved after her cancer diagnosis in 1989. Ever since she has been living on a diet of organic and raw foods that provide Olivia with health benefits. Olivia seems well versed in the specific benefits of each of her food choices and was quick to explain in detail every item she mentioned.
A: “So what does your current diet look like?”
O: “Oh boy…umm, well five days a week I have shot of wheatgrass to oxidize my system, and an apple ginger berry juice to help my bloodstream, and I’ll eat a raw and organically grown salad every day. Hmm…also raw goat milk, but if I can’t get goat milk then I’ll get raw cow milk, and I also sometimes have kefir, yogurt and kombucha. Soups as well…split pea, tomato and black bean are the ones I eat the most these days. On some days I’ll eat lightly cooked meats…also nuts, cheese, and the fruits from my yard. Absolutely no hormones in the meats or cheeses! Oh, and kala namak salt as seasoning! It has a lot of sulfur in it which is good!”
A: “What all do you have in your garden?”
O: “Apples, blackberries, blueberries, chives, mint for mint tea, lemongrass, pears, raspberries, strawberries, plums, cherries, grapes, and walnuts…but I can’t bust those open very well. I also used to have peaches, but the deer killed that tree off…they’re trying to get at everything else as well.”
A: “So what is your main reason for eating all of these things? Do they have a particular nutritional value for you?”
O: “Yes of course. Eating this way helps keep my body chemistry balanced, and of course these foods help fight the cancer, I think. Have you ever heard of the Johanna Budwig Treatment? Look it up! She calls for fermented foods, flaxseed oil and yogurt. I try and follow that…I also feel that this diet makes it easier for me to detox my body.”
Olivia prepares a lot from the fruits and herbs that grow in her yard, but she buys most of her food from the two local health food stores in her area: Country Aire and Sunny Farms. Olivia was very quick to state that the foods that she had prepared for her must be made from raw and organic ingredients and could not be cooked as they kill much of the health benefits in the heating process. When asked about her garden Olivia stated that she doesn’t really tend it, and simply goes out and picks whatever is available for her salads and, “throws it all together.”
Part Two: 1991
June 1991. Olivia made her final trip to the treatment center for her last checkup. The tests indicated a return of cancer, this time in the left breast. Olivia considered her options. She decided to forego treatment and instead focus on her family relationships and personal needs. As a start she took her youngest daughter on a trip around Europe as a high school graduation present. Later, she reconnected with her oldest son who had been in and out of prison for many years. Finally, she decided to move from California to Washington. This move in states was largely influenced by the negative change in air quality in California, and a desire for a change in scenery. Olivia had been in southern California for most of her life and felt that staying there would only continue to drag her life down further.
O: “I didn’t want to have to go through all that again, I then and there decided to go on with my life. I was moving to a new state, and I just had no interest in dealing with the surgeries and the pain again. I was fed up and did not want to deal with the cut, burn, and poison associated with [modern medicine]…I haven’t been in a doctor’s office since; unless you count the dentist.”
A: “So no other follow ups? Do you still think you have cancer?”
O: “[Dismissively] Oh who knows, probably! But I’m eating healthy now, and that’s what’s important. Surgery would have just sent me back into a depressive state, or worse it would have killed me…that’s their goal, cut, burn and poison!”
This decision was applauded by Dr. Baldwin but was looked down on by Olivia’s immediate family. Her second oldest son was especially distraught and felt like Olivia was giving up on life. Olivia, on the other hand, felt that the medical system had let her down and that medicines associated with the system only impacted her in a negative manner. She felt comfortable with the alternative treatments that she was receiving from Dr. Baldwin, and upon further research would follow her own selftreatments. One self-imposed treatment that Olivia began to follow was the Gerson Diet/Therapy, which is a popular diet that is specifically designed to fight cancer. The diet/therapy includes mostly fruits, vegetables, and mineral heavy supplements. The therapy also requires detoxification enemas to help clear toxins from the body. Olivia admitted that strictly following the Gerson Diet was not fully possible for her because of her love of meat, but, as a general rule, she has been following a loose version of this diet and detoxification since 1989. Now in 2019, Olivia is 78 years old and settled in her ways.
A: “Do you still speak with Dr. Baldwin?”
O: “I did a few years ago…gee I hope he’s fine…you know he gave the best advice of all, he said ‘the mind does not ask, it does!’ That really changed how I looked at myself. It was from then on that I began to focus on taking my fate into my own hands…you know, when I was working as a nurse I saw a man who had gone crazy because he didn’t have enough salt in his body…that was so strange for me. The doctor just came in and gave him a heavy saline drip and he started to calm down. I firmly believe that a mixture of allopathic and natural medicine is the best for the world…the world is moving away from alkalinity and more towards acidity, but acidity is death…that’s how it is with food. The typical American diet is generally unhealthy and bad, but not all the time…balance is always necessary.”
The Polyphony 